


Fast Track to Happily Ever After

by trekkiepirate



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, I AM OVERTAGGING SO NO ONE HAS A BAD REACTION TO ANYTHING HERE, I PROMISE THIS STORY IS MUCH SWEETER THAN THESE TAGS MAKE IT SEEM, It ends in wedding plans and happiness, Jaskier has sisters CHANGE MY MIND, M/M, Mentions of spousal abuse, Trigger warning: mentions of rape/non-con, fake/pretend married, false accusation of rape/non-con, hurt/comfort?, no rape/non-con actually happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26244010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trekkiepirate/pseuds/trekkiepirate
Summary: Geralt opened his eyes to see Jaskier frantically tossing their belongings into packs. “That’s my shirt, not yours.”Jaskier looked down at the black linen in his hand and then tossed it into Geralt’s pack. “Right, yes, I knew that. Glad you’re awake; we need to go.”
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 38
Kudos: 483
Collections: Geraskier Exchange





	Fast Track to Happily Ever After

**Author's Note:**

  * For [In_love_with_writing002](https://archiveofourown.org/users/In_love_with_writing002/gifts).



> For the Geraskier Fic Exchange!
> 
> My lovely recipient iiiiiiis AARON! I grabbed your prompts of 'making Geralt laugh' and 'fake/pretend married until they're getting real married' and 'accidental love confessions' because I have never been able to JUST CHOOSE ONE of anything. :) I hope you like it!

“Right! Money, clothes, food, everything we need for a quick getaway.”

Geralt opened his eyes to see Jaskier frantically tossing their belongings into packs. “That’s my shirt, not yours.”

Jaskier looked down at the black linen in his hand and then tossed it into Geralt’s pack. “Right, yes, I knew that. Glad you’re awake; we need to go.”

“Who did you fuck this time?”

Looking affronted, Jaskier continued packing, notably less careful with Geralt’s things now. “See, it’s not who I fucked now. Which is no one. It’s who I fucked last time we were here.”

“Three months ago?”

“Three months ago, yes.”

Geralt sat up. “Sit. Explain.”

Jaskier sat next to Geralt on the bed, leg bouncing. “I, uh, apparently the beautiful young maiden who was going to run off and become a worldly scholar did, in fact, uh, not do that. She in fact married the horrible man her parents wanted her to. Who ascertained that she had not come to him entirely without knowledge of a man.” Jaskier blew out a breath. “Quite an extensive knowledge. She learned very quickly. It’s why I encouraged her to seek her education and vocation elsewhere. Sadly, she did not and when confronted about her dalliance, quickly denounced the fact she had been an enthusiastic participant. Very enthusiastic. When I think about how she-“

Geralt rubbed a hand down his face. “We’re not leaving.”

Jaskier looked alarmed. “Geralt, you don’t understand. This won’t just be a beating. Hell, they don’t even want to geld me and cover me in pitch. The offense carries a death sentence. Geralt, please.”

Taking a deep breath, Geralt said, “Are they headed here?”

“The authorities? Yes, they are. Hence the haste. Which I really must resume if we’re going to-“

“We aren’t.”

“Dammit, Geralt!” Jaskier shoved his shoulder as hard as he could. “I know you hate having me around, though why you’ve put up with someone you hate for over twenty years is fucking beyond me, but they will kill me. I will be hanged at dawn. Which is in approximately six hours. I’d like to use those six hours trying to put as much distance between myself and this place as humanly and Witcherly possible.”

Geralt blinked. “I don’t hate you.”

Jaskier sighed. “Then help me get away. Please. If my debaucheries catch up to me one day and I must pay the price, I’ve made my peace with that. But she’s accusing me of a horrendous act I have never and would never commit. She’s a local and I’m a strange bard with a bad reputation. There’s no fair trial here, Geralt. Please.”

“Jaskier,” he reached out to take firm hold of the man’s arm, “I have just gotten the contract. We have to wait another week for the wraith to make her appearance. We are not leaving. But-“ he continued when Jaskier tried to pull away and start shouting again, “-you won’t come to any harm. I promise.”

“Geralt,” Jaskier’s eyes were soft, the look on his face one Geralt had started to see more and more once he recognized it for what it was. “You cannot fight the whole town. I will not let you be called the Butcher of anywhere else. Not after everything you’ve done. Not after everything you are to- that you are. Who you are.”

“Trust me?” Geralt asked, hearing the march of heavy boots entering the inn.

“Always.”

“Take off your shirt and boots and get into bed. With me.”

Jaskier blinked. “I, uh-“

“Now, Jaskier!”

The boots were loud enough for Jaskier to hear as well and he obeyed quickly, sliding into the sheets beside Geralt. “What are you doing?”

Geralt laid down beside him. “Hopefully nothing you will oppose to, if I’m right.”

“Right abou--“

“Eyes closed!”

A gauntlet thundered against the door. “Open up, in the name of the law. We have an arrest warrant for one Jaskier the Bard, who rap-“

“You’ve got the wrong man!” Geralt yelled.

Jaskier tried to make himself smaller and hide under the covers and Geralt.

“We know he is here. Open the door or we will kick it down.”

“Do it, but you’re paying the innkeeper for the damage,” Geralt called back. “Leave my husband and I alone.”

Jaskier’s head snapped up to look at Geralt. “I don’t- why are- did you- people saw me run in here.”

“Open up!”

Geralt growled. “Fine! But it’s on you what you see.” He stalked to the door, picking up and tossing his discarded shirt and trousers in different directions as he went while Jaskier ducked under the covers. Opening it, he placed an arm across the frame to stop the first guard from entering. “Jaskier the Bard didn’t do whatever you think he did to that woman. Or any woman. So leave my husband alone or I will have you arrested for slander and waking up honeymooners at ungodly hours.”

The men outside the door had frozen.

Jaskier peeked from over the blanket and some of them took a couple steps back.

The captain looked from Geralt, in naught but his smallclothes, to Jaskier, bare chested in the one small bed in the room. The strewn clothes. The ring that Jaskier had very cleverly moved from his right middle finger to his left ring finger as soon as the shock wore off. Geralt’s stormy expression. “Now see here. We have a report from Gisella-“

“Oh dearest,” Geralt turned back to Jaskier with a smile. “Gisella of all people. All you did was tell her she would waste into nothing here. I did think you should have been a little kinder in your word choice.” He turned back to the guards. “You know how it is with bards. Give them time and they can write brilliant works. Ask for something off the cuff and they say all the wrong things.” Geralt chuckled lightly. “When I proposed, he must have talked for a solid ten minutes before he even got around to accepting my hand.”

“Bards are whores with instruments,” one of the men spit on the ground. “He violated my Gisella and-“

Geralt stepped into the hall. “He did no such thing. We travel all over the Continent. Including some of the less accepting places. So Jaskier spreads tales of his prowess with women. Well, gentlemen, I can tell you the prowess is no lie but not with women.”

Jaskier squeaked from the bed. “Geralt… darling, you can’t just… tell them that. They could ruin my reputation and it would be more dangerous for us to travel, especially in Velen. Please, sirs, we can only beg your digression. My husband tells the truth. When last we passed through your lovely town, we were on our way to be wed amongst our closest friends. I swear, on my life, my lute, and my love, I did not violate the lovely Gisella. She wanted to ask me about my studies at Oxenfurt. She’s a bright girl; she could become a real scholar.”

The men seemed cowed, but one in the back roared, “You are a liar and a rapist!”

Geralt had his arm to the man’s throat and his back against the inn wall in the next heartbeat. “You are the liar and a whoreson but you don’t see me calling for your arrest over the way you have treated him.”

Jaskier stood after shimmying around a bit to create the illusion of putting his trousers back on under the covers. “Dearest love, let the man go. He’s done no real harm except to our sleep.” He hurried over and placed a hand on Geralt’s shoulder.

Geralt obeyed instantly, flinging an arm around Jaskier’s shoulders and tucking the man’s head against his shoulders. “If you’re sure, husband?”

A minute shiver went through Jaskier’s body at the word. “I am,” he said more to Geralt’s clavicle than the hall.

Nodding, Geralt kissed Jaskier’s head. “I think we have been disturbed enough, captain. We will-“

“Gisella!” The man Geralt had released was rubbing his throat. “Get your whore arse up here!”

A young woman, whom Geralt barely remembered seeing Jaskier chatting up in the tavern a couple months ago, walked up the stairs. She had a large bruise on her face and her eyes stayed to the floor.

“Dear girl,” Jaskier pulled away from Geralt and went to her. “I am so sorry. I never meant to anger you. My words weren’t chosen properly, I know. But you are so clever; I only wished to see you fulfill your potential.” He tilted her head to the light. “That looks nasty, but I’ve some cream that will help.” As he escorted her to his and Geralt’s room, he hissed, “Am I to blame for her fresh bruises too? You know who the true criminal is here.”

Geralt nodded at the two as they passed. “Is that the behavior of a woman facing a man who took advantage of her? Or of a man who took a woman against her will? You tolerate wife beating in this village, is that it?”

The captain straightened his back. “We do not.” He gestured and two guards grabbed the angry man.

“Prove it!”

“Prove what?” Geralt snapped.

“Prove you and that ponce are buggers.”

Geralt growled. “We are partners in everything. Just because you boil down the world to nothing but sex and violence doesn’t mean that’s what marriage is.”

The captain turned back. “It’s not an unreasonable request. Men have lied in such ways before.”

“We’re not going to fuck in front of you.”

Jaskier placed a hand against Geralt’s back. “If they wish to see us kiss, they didn’t have to go to all this trouble.” He grinned at the men then back at Gisella, cream heavy on her face and tears in her eyes. “Dear girl, you might wish to turn your maidenly eyes from what I am about to do to this man.”

Geralt reached out and pulled Jaskier in, the kiss sweet and soft, familiar as if it wasn’t their first.

Jaskier melted in Geralt’s arms, tangling a hand in his hair and turning the kiss wetter and showier.

Once they saw the first flash of tongue, the men all shrunk back and the captain nodded. “Right. Yes. Right. I do apologise for this. To both you and your husband. My, uh, congratulations on your union. May you live long in love.”

Jaskier grinned at the captain. “Oh that’s a beautiful saying, my good man. I might put that in a ballad.”

The guards left, dragging the angry man as he threw curses and filth.

Once they were gone, Jaskier sprung back from Geralt. “Right, I… Thank you, Geralt. You saved me. Again. Just, uh, add this one to the running tally, eh?”

Gisella stood, rushing to hug Jaskier. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. He… I just wanted him to stop. He was angry when I didn’t bleed enough for his liking. He’d have killed me. I didn’t think you’d come back. I’m so sorry.”

Jaskier wrapped the young woman in his arms and pet her hair. “It’s all right, dear girl. I’m sorry I didn’t insist on giving you the travel money and seeing you onto the nearest wagon myself.”

“I wanted to go. My parents caught me packing and they moved the wedding forward.”

Geralt stepped over to his pack and dug for the coin pouch he’d been given. “Here,” he offered it to Gisella.

Her eyes widened. “I couldn’t, not after I made so much trouble for you and your husband.”

Jaskier was about to correct her when Geralt spoke again. “It’s just the down payment for my contract. It should get you at least as far as beyond the mountains.”

Gisella threw her arms around Geralt, who seemed stunned for a moment before he hugged her back. She wiped her face when she released him, then clutched the purse to her body. “I will pray to Meletile for your safety and happiness every day of my life.” She looked at Jaskier. “You were right. Your Witcher is a kind-hearted man.”

“It’s part of why I love him,” the words came out so easily that it took a second for Jaskier to realise what he had just confessed.

Gisella smiled and made her way out, leaving Geralt to close the door while Jaskier tried to come up with something to say.

Words failed him and that was a rare enough occurrence that Geralt noticed it. “Jaskier-“

“I’m sorry!” The man all but yelled. His head dropped and this time it was a whisper, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Geralt took a hesitant step closer.

Jaskier lifted his head, licking his lips as he raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Everything. For being such a burden to you. For trying to drown my unrequited feelings in whatever willing person I can find. For making you pretend that you’re- that I’m yours. For forcing you to kiss me, just to continue that lie. For… liking the kiss. For wanting the kiss to mean something.” He met Geralt’s eyes, fear in his blue gaze. “For falling in love with you.”

Geralt took a step closer and frowned when Jaskier flinched back and his hands raised slightly. Like he wanted to cover his head. Like he thought Geralt would hit him. “Jaskier-“

“I’ll be gone by dawn,” Jaskier said, voice as defeated as Geralt had ever heard it. “If, for some reason, you ever wish to see me again, I’ll be at Oxenfurt. Otherwise, I’ll leave you alone. For good,” he flashed a sad smile at Geralt as he continued packing away his belongings, movements slow now. Jaskier hunched in on himself, trying to make himself as small as possible, saying nothing.

“Jaskier,” Geralt began, waiting to be cut off again. When all he got was silence, he continued, “I… liked the kiss.”

Now Jaskier froze, discarded shirt in a white knuckled grip.

“I liked calling you mine. I like… I love you.”

Jaskier turned, very slowly, on his heel. “That’s impossible. You cannot possibly love me… like that.”

Geralt allowed a small smile. “Don’t you always say I need to realise my self-worth. You should take your own advice.”

“You also don’t like men. Like that.”

“Did that seem like my first kiss with a man?” Geralt asked. “A Witcher draws enough hatred; I keep inclinations like that to myself most of the time.”

Jaskier blinked rapidly. “But you know, you can’t have missed my… dalliances. With men.”

Geralt shrugged. “I haven’t.”

“Did you not know how I felt about you?”

“I had a very strong suspicion.”

Jaskier dropped the shirt. “Then for fuck’s sake why did you not tell me any of this before, you cunt?”

Geralt laughed, bending double with the force of it. Pleased when Jaskier did the same, even if the bard’s was a touch hysterical. “I was waiting for the perfect moment. I know how you are used to being treated by your lovers. I wanted to… court you properly.”

“Court me?” Jaskier’s breathed hitched like he might sob or gasp at any moment. “You could have had me any time, at all, in the past twenty plus years. Literally you could have had me at any damn moment since I walked up to you in Posada. I didn’t even know you were a Witcher until I sat down. You were just the most gorgeous man I had ever seen and I was going to risk the beating if you didn’t appreciate my flirting.”

“Piss poor flirting.”

“Leave off; I was eighteen,” Jaskier pouted a bit.

“I didn’t want it to just be sex,” Geralt said. “You can find that anywhere. I wanted to make the effort; prove I was worthy of you.”

Jaskier’s smile was genuine this time. “Worthy? Dearest, I have spent all of my adult life trying to be worthy of you.”

Geralt stepped close enough to pull Jaskier into his arms. “Mine?”

“For the rest of my days,” Jaskier said, a solemn vow. “Mine?” he hazarded.

“For as long as you want me,” Geralt confirmed, tilting his head to meet Jaskier’s mouth for a soft kiss. “Here,” he said, pulling away all too soon to reach for his still open pack.

Jaskier stumbled a bit as he was let go. “Wha- kissing?”

Geralt chuckled. “In a moment. This is for you,” he pressed something into Jaskier’s hand and closed the man’s fingers around it.

It was a simple silver ring. Jaskier’s eyes widened as he looked at Geralt. “You…”

“Thought, if you wanted, we could wed this winter. In Kaer Morhen. I think if my brothers don’t see us exchange vows, they will never believe I finally worked up the courage. Also Vesemir will be glad to have you back; he stills needs help with the library. You can officially be his favourite son now.”

Head spinning with everything that had now changed between them, Jaskier held the ring out to Geralt. “Put it on me?”

Geralt did so, sliding Jaskier’s hastily moved ring away in order to place it. “I will still court you. It’s only proper.”

Jaskier threw his head back and laughed. “You silly old man,” he wrapped his arms around Geralt’s waist. “Who would have thought the White Wolf would be so traditional?” He tilted up for a kiss, but before their lips connected, he jumped back, bouncing over to his pack in a way that belied his slow descent into middle age. “Fuck, wait. Properly, right. So not that pretty new thing,” He discarded the ring he’d been wearing before and dug through his things, sly smile when he felt Geralt’s appreciative eyes on his body. “Ah ha!” he crowed, gesturing for Geralt to hold out his hand. “Oh my gods, the left one, dearest idiot of my heart. What do you think I’m going to do when you’ve just presented me with an engagement ring?”

Geralt switched to hold out his left hand and Jaskier slid a gold ring onto Geralt’s pinky finger. “We’ll need to get it resized, of course, but it’s only right you should wear my family ring.”

“Huh,” Geralt looked over it, letting it catch the light. “I cannot wear this here,” he took it off and assuaged Jaskier’s furrowed brow with a gentle kiss over the soft wrinkles. He turned to Jaskier and held out the ring. “Put it on the chain with my medallion. It will be safest there.”

Fingers trembling slightly as he moved Geralt’s hair over his shoulder, Jaskier did so, adding a soft kiss on the nape of Geralt’s neck. “We’ll have to do a ceremony in Lettenhove as well,” Jaskier said as Geralt turned to face him, eyes glued to where the ring crowned Geralt’s wolf medallion. “If your brothers won’t believe you without seeing us wed, my sisters will think I have finally lost my last marble if I claim to be your husband when next I visit.”

“In the autumn?” Geralt said, taking Jaskier’s left hand and admiring the shine of the ring on it.

“It’s nearly autumn now,” Jaskier frowned. “That’s so soon.”

Geralt smiled. “Forgive my impatience. It’s been years.”

Jaskier blinked. “Yeah, why did I even say that? It’s been fucking decades for me.”

“We could be proper about this,” Geralt said, pulling Jaskier close again, hands coming to rest over Jaskier’s shoulder blades, “or we could skip to the wedding night.”

Jaskier blinked again. “Fuck tradition. Also me. Also you, if you’re into that.”

Geralt nodded. “Proper can be resumed tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow after-fucking-noon,” Jaskier growled. “Decades, Geralt. I have a list of desires so long it would make a street walker blush. I should know; I showed it to some.”

Geralt tilted his head. “That growl just added a few more to my list as well. I want you to make more of those kinds of noises.”

Jaskier licked his lips, trailing them along Geralt’s jaw towards his ear. “Mine,” he growled again, delighting in Geralt’s full-bodied shiver. “Fucking mine.”

The next afternoon, when Geralt ventured downstairs to procure lunch, the innkeeper threw in a small basket of apples. “For finally making the law take action against that cruel bastard. And I’ll have water for a bath sent up. Also if you’d told me that you two were honeymooning, I’d have given you a room with a bigger bed.”

Geralt thought of how he’d woken on the small bed, pressed so close to Jaskier they seemed to be one person. “We’re happy as we are.” As we finally are, he thought.


End file.
